خاطرتي

لدي أمنيات كم أتمنى أنها تتحقق
كلام أريد أن أبوحه
خاطرات أريد أن اكتبها
و لكن من هناك لكي يستمع إلى فتاة مثلي
أعيش في ظلمات أفكاري
أبني قصور و أهدمها في داخلي
أكتب الكلام على ورق خيالي
كم ليله بقيت أتحلم بك
و أنا أتذكر عذوبة صوتك
و كلامك المعسول
بين هذه اللحظات الساكنة
في هذا العالم الأسود
أنا مجرد شمعه صغيره
حبري جف
أوراقي احترقت
خفقان قلبي سوف يتلاشى
أريد أن أكون ذكرى طيبه
هل سوف تنسى الكلام؟
أحملني في قلبي .. بين نبضات قلبك
أحفظني في أفكارك
و لا تنسى
إني مازلت أحبك

أنا و أنت

أعزف على أوتار قلبي
لا تتركني في صمت
أريد أن أسمع صوتك
و هو يهمس في أذني
دعني أسمع دقات قلبي
تهتف
تصرخ
أريد أن أكتب حتى أتعب
أريد أن أقرأ كلامك في أوراقي
لا تجعلني أشعر كالورقة البيضاء الخالية
كن الحبر الذي يكتب خواطري
لا تتركني أحلم
كن الواقع الجميل
كن جناح حريتي
لا تكون دموعي المتساقطة
مكانك في قلبي
و ليس على خدي
أنا و أنت
أنا الورقة المتلهفة
أنت الحبر المخلص
أنا و أنت
نكون الجسد و الروح

حياتك معي

أبتسم
لا تبكي
لا فائدة من سيلان دموعك
فهي تجرح خدك أنت وحدك
لا تخجل ببوح مشاعرك
فقد تلاقي حب حياتك
لا تيأس من الحياة
فأنت وحدك سوف تعيش في ظلام اليأس
لا تبتعد عن الناس
فأنت من سوف يعاني من الوحدة
لا تبني جدارا حولك
لأنك سوف تندم على بعد الناس عنك
لا تكره الحياة
عش حياتك بحب
أبتسم في وجوه الناس
لا تحزن
لن تعيش وحيدا
سوف تلاقي من يحبك
أنتظر لا تتسرع
لا تندم على الماضي
فهي التي صنعت شخصيتك
لا تترد
كن نفسك
لا تحبس أنفاسك
أنت لست وحدك
لديك أنا
سوف أحبك تحت المطر و الشمس
لا تقلق الحياة ليست صعبه
سوف أجمل الحياة في عينيك
أغمض عينيك و أجلس قربي
سوف أهمس أرق الكلمات في أذنك
سوف أكون ألحانك و كلامك
يمكنك أن تبني قصورك في أرضي
سوف أسمعك مهما تحكي
لا تتساءل
فكثره الأسئلة لن تفيدك
أغمض عينيك
سوف تلاقي أجوبتك
سوف أكون ملهمتك
شاعرتك
و حب حياتك

ماذا يجلب الحب

ماذا يجلب الحب
السعادة أم الحزن؟
هل أنت مغرم؟
هل تتنفس و الحب قابض قلبك
هل تستيقظ و يكون أول شخص تتذكره هو
هل تكتب
و تروي
و لكن لازلت عطشان
تنتظر أن هذا الشخص
لكي يروي عطشك
لكي يمحي الانتظار
هل أنت أحد الأشخاص الذي لا يستحمل البعد
من يفكر و لا يفعل شيئا غير التفكير
هل تعلم أن السعادة هي و أنت بين أحضان ذلك الشخص
و أن لا شيء يفيد غير نظره أو كلمه
من هذا الشخص
هل أنت مجنون
و مزاجي
و لا تستحمل رؤية
و أن تسمع
فمجرد تذكر ذلك الشخص
يهم قلبك اشتياقا
هل أنت أحد الأشخاص
الذي يقطع قلبه
و يمزق أوراقه
لمجرد أن تكون في حاله
عذاب
لبعد المحبوب
هل يلهمك؟
هل يعتني بك؟
هل هو محور حياتك؟
ربما أنت لا تحب بهذه الطريقة
و لكن أنا
أحب بكل جوارحي

..

He took my hand and said
"Let's dance"
I smiled
"But I don't know how"
He smiled and led me to the center of the room and said
"It doesn't matter"

He was silent and didn't speak
I could feel him dozing off
So I looked up and kissed him
He had a surprised look on his face
"Do you want to do this?" he asked
I nodded
He led me to his bedroom

In there he started to kiss me
And his kisses became more devouring
Every touch made me shiver
Every kiss made me want him more

Suddenly I felt him go away
I opened my closed eyes and said
"It's her, isn't it?"
He didn't say anything just walked out the room
I forced myself not to cry
I followed him and saw him holding my coat
"I'm sorry" he said.
I took my coat and walked out

Once I was outside I stood and let the tears fall
How foolish of me
I sat down on the little stairs and tried to stop crying

All the sudden I saw someone in front of me
When I looked up
It was her
She smiled and said
"He's mine, I told you this before!"
I didn't say anything and just walked away…

Prose Of Art

The sun was rising.
Everything was so very calm.
Birds were chirping outside.
This was his moment.
He let the brush down.
And smiled when the sun hit his unfinished work, the people in the portrait seemed to be dancing around.
He took his cold cup of coffee.
Poured it out, and poured in hot, steaming coffee.
He then opened the window.
The soft morning breeze made him feel good.
He sipped his coffee.
Then he took his camera from the table nearby.
He took a couple of shots of the sun as it rose.
Then, he heard a car parking down near his building.
Looking down, he saw that the milk man was here.
He smiled.
He returned to his unfinished work.
It still didn't have any main colors to make it beautiful.
But to him, it was a masterpiece.
He raised his brush.
He added some red paint to the woman's dress in the corner of the portrait.
He smiled.
He then added some black to the man's tuxedo, who was standing in the other end of the portrait, the man who looked at the woman who was now, wearing red.
He colored some of the dancing couples.
In his mind, they were dancing to Frank Sinatra, "The way you look tonight"
He hummed.
He colored the hair of the woman in the red dress black.
Added some pink to her cheeks, to show that she was slightly blushing.
And gave the man some look in his eyes that showed that he was interested.
In his mind he imagined them later dancing.
Imagined them talking.
Imagined them dancing in their own rhythm.
The Rhythm of love untamed.

الـــذكــرى

ذكراك ما زلت موجوده
و بين الخفوق مدفونه
و حبك يسري في عروقي
ما احلى الحب و انت بين ضلوعي
كيف اتحمل
و انا لشوفه عيونه متنهده

يا ويلي من هذا الحب
الي يقطع القلب ألف قطعه
و يرميه في بحر من الهيام الأزلي
الي ما كو منه رجوع

السلام عليك يا من انا اشتريه لو باعني
احبك و هذه الكلمه اصدق مشاعري

و انا الان اعيد ما قلت

ذكراك ما زالت موجوده
و بين الخفوق
مدفونه

No Sympathy Needed

Leave me to my pain
I don’t need your sympathy
Don't touch me
You lied to me
And left me to my pain
Your back now
What the hell do you want?
I don’t need your warm hugs
Or
Your tender kisses
Leave me to my pain
I don't need your sympathy

My Direction

Don't look another way
Look in my direction
Listen to my rapid breaths
As I run after you
Stop!
And listen to me when I talk
For I have some sensible words

Come closer
Smell the fragrance of me skin
Kiss me lightly on the cheek
Don’t mistake me for a whore
I have a lot of treasures to give

Come
Don’t you see?
I've got tears in my eyes
Don't walk away
Wait
Let me catch me breath

I'm tired and need some comforting words
Can you let your defenses down?

I need some love tonight
Are you willing to be the one?

Don't look another way

Look in my direction

I need your attention

Does such man Exist ?

I wonder sometimes why do I exist, is that because I'm meant to do something? I never figured out the reason I breathe or sleep or eat. Through out all the times that I spend in my room, typing on my computer and my coffee cooling next to me, I write my poems that somehow can explain the chaos inside of me. I have friends that exist only in my head, friends that know every dark thought, and they ask me sometimes, why do you write? I just shrug, for back then I didn't know why I write. But now I know why I write, something inside me urges me to write, so I can somehow by some force I can explain to the world my chaos, simply so I can make new friends. My friends, my thought friends; that's what I call them, they seem to surround me, think with me, create and submit words in my head and I simply just write them down on paper. I'm just a girl with dreams, such dreams that is locked inside of me and me being very frantic looking around for my key, my lost key. My heart beats faster when I feel that I'm somehow going to find the key to my freedom, but then all the sudden my hopes come crashing down on me. I feel broken and I need to be fixed, I feel like an old toy, used and finished with, totally abandoned and unwanted. I wish I can fix myself, but that's impossible. I look around and I see girls in love, with charming men who rule their lives. It angers me; do I really need a man to fulfill my dreams, to be normal? What kind of barbaric society do we live in? Societies were a woman is not a woman without a man that leads her life. I despise and spit in the face of such people who think so, I despise woman who think that their lives are nothing without a man who leads it. Oh love, what a great feeling, I don't object to love, oh yes I yearn for love. I want to feel it flow with my blood, to let it cast its blissful spell over me. oh yes my body desires a man who can hold it and love it the right way, yes oh yes, I do want that. I want a man who writes me words, words my ears have never heard of before, I want a man who kisses my forehead and touches my hair I want a man who teaches me all the wonders of the world, I want a man who loves me for just being me I want a man who takes my pictures and hangs it on his walls, I want a man who believes in my potential, I want a man who sees the beauty inside of me, I want a man who would never cheat. I want a man, simply a gentleman who thinks that we are equal. Does such man exist for me? Does such man want a woman like me? My heart calls out for him, my heart screams for him. I want him to know that I'm pure like gold, waiting for him…So if you're out there my love and you just read my words, answer me…for I desire to hear your voice and read your words.

Tell me my friends…

Does such man exist for a girl like me?

Golden Chains

Sitting under that willow tree
With tears running down her pale skin
Was the little girl
The Girl with golden chains
As she sat in the shadows
Between the bushes and flowers
Looking at the butterflies
As they flew in the sky
She wished silently
Wished she could fly
To reach the sky
Because she knew
That nothing gold can stay

With her golden eyes
She dreamed of things
That can cause her fatal end
She wished for things that were unreachable
She didn't want fame
She didn’t want love
She didn’t want a lot
The only thing that little girl wanted was to
Not be forgotten
Through all the happy times
She wanted to belong to the crowd
Hoping they would see her without her scars
Without her bleeding cuts
Wanting to be remembered through all the times
To be known as the girl
The girl with the golden chains round her wrist…

Our Departure

When the time comes for us to part
I shall cry you many tears
Even though these words are a pain to me
They have to be said

I hope sometime
You may forgive me
For it was not my intention to hurt you
I love you
Believe this fact
This is no fault of yours
These are my shortcomings and faults
I love you
And I because I love you
I shall leave
Don't cry
Smile for me
For your life with me
Should end sometime

Forgive me
It was never my intention to hurt you

Imam Hussain

لو لفظت أسم الحسين
أو رويت للناس عن مأساة الحسين
لن تروي أبدا عطش الظلم و الجور الذي لقاه أهل البيت
لن تعرف أن توصل معنى دموع أطفال الحسين
أو مقدار الدم الذي سكب من الحسين و أصحاب الحسين
لو بكيت الدموع كلها
لن تروي عطش شهيد كربلاء
لن تعرف معنى الألم و الحرمان
و تقول لي من هو الحسين ؟
ويلٌ لكل من لا يعرف الحسين
ألا تعرف من نحن ؟
نحن شيعة أهل بيت رسول الله
نحن نحمل أسم الحسين فوق رؤوسنا
نضرب الأيدي على الصدور بكل قوة
لنعبر عن المشاعر الملتهبة التي لا تخرج حتى مع الدموع السائلة
فداك يا حسين عمري
يا أبــــا عبد الله
يا مظـــلوم كربــلاء
ذكراك حيه بين كل مأتمٍ و عزاء
كل مره يهتف أسمك
نتذكر مرارة الظلم عليك و أهل بيتك

اللهم صلى على محمد و آل محمد
و ليتني كنت معك يا حسين و يا ليتني فديتك عمري
لكنت الآن مع الفائزين

Metophoric Poem

I can barely survive
The operation was not a success

My life is being robbed from me
This was not destined to happen

People are being killed every day
We are all blindfolded from the truth

We are victims in the ordeal
Money is the new weapon of this age

Do I love Him ?

He told me to write him a poem
To dedicate it to him
But here I am
Trying to find the right words
But my mind seems empty
My once emotional thoughts
Seems so bleak and plain
I wish I can write to him
To tell him that I love him
But do I love him?

We share everything together
He makes me my coffee the way I love it
He reads me books while I doze off
And sometimes he washes my hair for me
Even sometimes he massages my back
He gives me tissues when I cry
Hugs me when I feel down


Do I love him?

He always stood next to me
Always gave me his shoulder to lean on
Seemed to enjoy the effect he had on me
The way he teases me
The way he calls me names
The way he makes me smile when I want to cry

I love it that he's there
To help me pass my days
Lifting me up to higher expectations
Letting me be more than just an emotional poet

He urges me to write novels
He urges me to dream


Do I love him?

They ask me about him
What does he do?
But does that matter
I really don't care
For I have him not his work or status
I don't want his money only his time

He's true to me
While others weren't
He chose to be with me
While other chose to leave
He never seems to complain
While others did

Do I love him?
It seems that I do…

Conversation Of Lovers

I apologize if I took your time
I apologize if you think of me as pathetic
I apologize if you think that I'm trapping you
But I have to ask you these following questions so I can at last be at peace




Did you ever love me?
Where you acting when you kissed me?
Were you lying when you called me "your woman"?
Do you think of me as a shallow girl?
Do I disgust you so much?




He looks at me with eyes that express no thoughts
All the sudden the eyes that I though I could read so clearly are a mystery to me now
He then holds my hand and brings it to his lips and softly and gently he kisses it
And then says



Did I ever love you? Oh yes I did, and still do
Was I acting when I kissed you? Never
Was I acting when I called you my woman? No, for you are my woman
Do I think of you as a shallow girl? No my darling, I think of you so high, never as shallow
Do you disgust me? Dear God no, you only excite me




I look at his more closely and I see something
He grabs my back and pushed me closer until I felt his warm breath on my cheek
I then saw the mixture of his eyes…how oceanic do they look!
He smiled and said softly, I love you, and then he kisses me

A kiss that was hard and devouring and soft and gentle at that same time.
When we parted he kissed my forehead and said, marry me.
I took a step back and said, why? He smiled and said, because I can't live without you. I wasn't convinced. Why do you love? He looked at me for a moment and then said-



I love you because you brighten my life with your gorgeous smile
I love you because you're the only person who ever understood me
I love you because you drive me crazy
I love you because you’re the loveliest creature on earth
I love you because you always make me feel good about myself
I love you because you bring out the best of me
I love you because when I'm with I'm a better man
I love you because my heart could never love another
I love you because you never seem to stop smiling
I love you because I respect you
I love you because I know you will forever be faithful to me
I love you because it feels good to love you and only you…

I want you

I want you
I want to spend my moments with you
Even though they may cause me pain
I bless these moments
I want you to dance with me
To swirl me around the room
Make me feel the seconds that pass
I want you to forget the old words
And write me a new book
With you and me as the only characters
Open you eyes and look around
I love you, and forever I will
Between these moments I saw the real you
The person I loved
Swirl me round the room
Until I loose my senses
I want you to hold me tight
And tell me I'm yours
For after all these years, you still seem to be an Enigma to me…!

Dooset Daram

Leave

Thinking that your words would mend my heart
Or return the smile which you took away
You tarnished fool
Thoughts of you are repugnance
Days that were spent with you…what a waste!
Memories that remind me of you…
I hope to forget
Wasted my days with you
Thought you could change
Thought you loved me…
But it turns out I'm the fool
To think you could be something your not
Living day by day hoping you changed
Weeping for my misfortune
Of meeting a fraud like you
Thought you can get me so easy
But I knew better
You mistook me for another person
You mistook me for a girl who will surrender to you
To surrender to your charm and false sweet words
Crying for a mistake like you is a waste of time
I would move forward and leave you behind me
In the shadows you would be left one day
So play as you can
One day you would be left all alone
Thank god you are leaving now
So I can live my life
And be the person that I was before I met you
Now you just leave…

Untitled

وقتی میگم دلم برات تنگ نمیشه نمیشه نمیشه یعنی برو یعنی دوست ندارم دوست ندارم

Free Verses

Walking
Silently
Just Thinking
Wondering
Breathing
Cold
Shivering
Lonely
Rubbing hands together
Looking around
No one is seen
I
Walk
Alone
Empty road
No cars
No people
Not even stray cats
Only
Cold breezes
Wearing
My
Nightgown
My jacket
Loose
My eyes
Smudged with mascara
Lipstick
Removed
Slightly red lips
Tears
Everywhere
Cold
Shivering
Fresh tears
Broken heart
Can't
Be fixed
Pale
Cold
Flesh
Hugging myself
Looking
Frantically
For
A
Shelter
Hopeless
Nothing found
Starting to run
Snow
Cold
Shivering
Breath caught
I fall
I hurt myself
I lay there
Trying
To breath
Properly
Lips
Slightly parting
Death
Close
It
Could smell
My
Fear
Alone
No one
To rescue
Me
Slowly
Parting
Suddenly
I'm
GONE

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time I lived
But what happened to me now?
I am no longer myself
I wonder why…
I seek new words to describe my morbid self
I seek new remedies to heal old wounds
I seek new words to submit on these white sheets of clean paper
But mostly
It's my heart that seeks
But I never seem to find the one thing I want
You!
I can't seem to find you
For at least feel the love that was once shared
I am looking for you between the pages of my life
Wishing to understand why you shut me out
Why am I alone now?
Why am I writing this?
I miss you so much
But I have to back away
So you can know what I really mean to you
The real question is
Can you see your days without me?
Can you live without me?
Am I the only one that you think of…?

Silence

In the silence of the night
I call out
Between the hushed voices
I raise my tone
In a dark world
I am a burning torch
Amidst hiding people
I establish my being

Endless Grief

He touches my soul with his words
Dares me to love him
And then leaves me in my endless grieve

He tells me tales of wonder
And takes me to places
Letting my imagination go far away
He holds my hand
And seems so true
And all the sudden he disappears

And I sink in my grieve

He makes me feel naïve

And like an inexperienced little girl

He gives me red roses
And cards with poems inside

I start to fall for his charm
And think maybe it will not be the same

But deep down I know

He shall leave again

Diary of Silly Girl

He took my hand and kissed it
Told me that he would never leave until I knew him more
A gentleman like him I never met before
His eyes were filled with passion and a promise
A promise that he shall now never leave my side, at least that is what my eyes wanted to read
I smiled when he said his first joke and tried to think of something sensible
But with him, I can't find the reason and wisdom that was once inside me
I act like silly girl, and laugh at whatever he says
After a spending a night with him, dancing and talking without limit
I find that he has so many qualities that I like
At night when I'm all alone in my bed
My thoughts drift to him and they never leave me
When I dream, I dream of him and me
Us, together, never leaving each other's side
Such dreams I never had before
Somehow, I feel like I know him for years
I ache for him, so much, that it burns my soul that maybe I can't have him
At most silly times, I weep and mumble silly thoughts of mine
At most time I mutter that he doesn't deserve me
For he's such a great man, and damn me, he deserves so much better
I cry at night for my lack of beauty and grace that he should find in me
But my soul craves to spend the rest of my life taking good care of him
To make him happy and to think for just a moment that he chose me and that he's glad that he did
I watch him at parties, the way the other ladies look at him
At how beautiful girls smile those white smiles
It sends shiver through my spine, to think that I lack what they have
Oh dear god, how I wish I had a face different from the one I have
But somehow, he's sweet to me
In his eyes I could read words that his lips don't speak of
Oh how I wish he does speak them
My love for him knows no limit
But then, I know with great sorrow that he's not mine
He's for some other beautiful girl, a girl with grace
A girl that would fit perfectly on his side
For he's such a beautiful man
If only I can find beauty in my damned face
If only I could let him see how my heart desires him
If only he knows how I love him…

Love

الحب
كلمه يمكنها ان ترديك او تسعدك
ما هي الى كلمه
ترمز عن مشاعر لا يوصفها الا شعراء هذا الزمن
كلمه رددها العشاق طوال الاوقات
كم هو جميل ان تحب شخصا يحبك
تعطيه و يعطيك
يمسح دموعك التي لا جدوى منها
فهيا لا تمحي ايامك الكئيبه
او ذكرياتك الشئيمه
كم جميل هو الحب
ان يكون لك شخص
يسمعك و يحبك و يرعاك
ان يحفظك من الاشرار
ان يكون المرأ عاشق
اشبه ان يكون في غيبوبه
فأنه لا يكون له اتصال مع الارض
فالحب يخذه الى ذلك المكان
الذي يكون فيه الورود ذات الرائحه الطيبه
و البحر الواسع و النسور تطير من فوقه
الحب
ما هي الى كلمه
ترمز الى اعمق المعاني المرهفه

كم عاشقا ينادي حبيبه في الليل
ينطق اسمه و هو في امس الحاجه اليه
ان يشعر بذراع حبيبه حوله
لكي يشعر حرارة جسمه
و هي تهدئ من روعة

كم ليله و انا انــــــــــــادي
اشتاق الى سماع نبرة صوته
التي توقظ احساسي
كم اتمنى ان يكون معي
و ان يمحي السنين الطويله التي علينا ان نجتازها
الحــــــب
اه و الف اه من الحب
فهو مغروس في داخلي
بين ضلوعي
في نبضات قلبي
الــــــــحــــــــــــــب
هو انت

Shadow

Hidden in the shadows
I no longer saw the light
Never saw the enchanted sight
The heavens a long time no see
Oh how I wish I found the key
The key of my sadness
And to find happiness
I longed for you
But you never came
And somehow, now, I no longer have faith
I know I will leave no mark
All I ever saw was the dark
My empty body contains no soul
For the devil took it long ago
Like an angel with wings I flew
But suddenly they got clipped
I no longer saw the sky
But my faith in god made my soul somehow fly
Oh beloved one I'm just an angle, fallen, torn, and bare…

Fellow Friend

what to say to a fellow friend who chose to hurt you..
what to say to a fellow friend who wishes your death...
what to say to a fellow friend who choses to be away...
what to say to a fellow friend who choses to ignore your feelings...
what to do when you loose a friend??
what to do, to explain the state your in??
do you cry? or laugh? or should you just walk away from the pain??
should you say sorry? should you beg?? should you just walk away?
what to say to a fellow friend who wishes to tease your pain??
what to do? should you walk away...
should you just act ok and move on...
but no...that fellow friend stung you deep... should you revenge??
should you see that he suffers too...
yes that what you should do...
you shall never care what that fellow friend does!
because whatever that fellow friend do, he shall never touch your soul!

Oh Misery

My tragedies are being engraved
My voice is faint
And I don't feel like a saint
My wings are clipped
And my grip of life slipped
I'm a caged wounded being
And no longer can I see a seeing
No light to perish the dark
My pain is my everlasting mark
I thought I could see heaven
Oh, how I wish I'm seven
A little kid I no longer am
Wishing I could peacefully watch the sky
And to be a bird and fly
To grow new wings
And run on my legs
Wishing my caged cell door had a key
So I can run away…

Paint me

Paint me a pretty picture I can adore
Paint me a picture of the sun as it loves the ocean in a moment of ecstasy
Paint me your love so I can hang it on my wall
Paint me your face so I don't forget to call
Let me see your talents spring up for me…
Paint me the ocean and say that it resembles how our love is deep
Paint me the sky and say that our love is wide
Let me know that our love is forever lasting
Paint me a pretty picture I can adore
Paint me the years I have waited for you
Paint me the longing I felt for you
Let me see your talents spring up for me…
Paint me a portrait of an angel so I can remember your face
Paint me a picture I can adore
And let me see your talent spring up for me…

Drunken from my tears

From your lies I have cried

Cold, unbearable tears I have shed

In the dark I lay

As I got drunken from my tears

I washed your memory away

But still somehow you linger inside of me

I scream trying to shut you out

But nothing changes

Your love is my cage

And i have no key to escape

You treated me like dirt

And left me here hurt

All the people I adore

I stand in this empty place
And it is just a dark space
A sudden chill made me shiver
I hope I was a bit clever
I should have stayed with people I adore

Tears run like rain
And nobody is here to brush them away
I wish I stayed with the people I adore

I see no beauty in this place
No chirping birds that fly around
This place seems a little like hell
It seemed I'm caged here in this cell
Oh, how I wish I stayed with the people I adore

I feel a sudden longing for a warm hug
And a cup of a hot chocolate mug
Why did I ever leave the people I adore?

It seems that I mistook their love for sympathy
And played a game that took them away from me
A game that ended my life

Oh, how I wish I didn’t leave the people I adore…

Raping My Innocence

Temptations of the forbidden lust
Calls the sinful demons inside me
The attraction is too much
Fighting makes no sense now
Lure me to the roads of unwanted love
Drown me in your mellow words
Push me near the gates of hell
It's my destiny to suffer
Choke me with unwanted kisses
You may think your melting my defenses
But you would never arise my womanly senses

Wanting

I want to be clean like water
I want to breathe clean air
Dance in the rain
Scream my pain
Swim in the ocean
I want you to brush your hand on my head
Whisper sweet words
Put my cold hand in your warm ones
Make my cheeks blush
Give me a shoulder to lean on
And your shirt to stain with my tears

Lonely Girl

A lonely girl stood next to a crowd of people
She seems to be searching the faces
I wonder what she is looking for.
She had that look that twisted my heart
They were sad and surprisingly lonely
I wanted to hug that girl and make her feel how life is vibrant
But, suddenly our eyes meet and I am struck to find that I am looking at myself
I am the lonely girl standing in the crowd!
I am the one with sad eyes!
I am the one with a heart that has no beats only scars

Del Dardi

Rise

I'm sick
For sure I am sick
I'm looking for a cure
But I fail to find it
My soul is in pain
I twist and turn at night
I haven’t slept in days
I have ate no food
I find no comfort
Can I please run away?
Go somewhere else…
So I can breathe some fresh air?
I've been looking for a certain ray of light
But in this darkness there is not light
I'm lying here
Half alive
Half dead
No matter my tries
I fail to rise
My tears are dry
My voice is gone
My body is cold
Who you would hold me?
No one
Has anyone thought of me during these weeks, months, and years?
I prefer not
I just want to fly away
Or go down the ocean
I want to find the true living self within me
The one who was once more than an emotional poet
Right now
I am an emotional poet with a broken soul

Dearest

Tonight my eyes cannot sleep
My thoughts are occupied
My heart and brain are joined
And they have many questions to ask.
A little fear is invading my peace
Thoughts that I better banish
But my heart wishes to share
So here it goes
Am I truly yours?
Are you truly mine?
Do you think of her?
Or am I the only one?
How often do you miss my presence?
Or is she enough?
Am I a pressure?
Or the medicine of your soul?
Does she call you sweet names?
And do you do the same?
Does she confess her love?
And do you do the same?
Am I an obstacle in the way?
Or is she a phase?
I am waiting patiently
To be the only one
My fear is that this day would never come
Tonight my love I cannot sleep
My tortured soul calls out in pain
Bless you, please answer my quenching questions!
I know I am silly and over-emotional
I know I trouble your peace
Should I go away?
Or should I stay?
Is my presence wanted?
Or is it all the same?

Believe in Khoda

اللهم إني أسألك أن ترحمني و أن ترحم باقي عبادك
كم من ذنب أذنبنا
و خطيئته أرتكبنا
و كم ليله شهدت على بكائي
و أنا خاشعة إليك وحدك
و كم صرخةٌ صرختها لكي أخفف ألم الذنوب
التي تثقل على صدري
و تؤرقني في الليل
كم أتمنى أن أكون من مخالقك
الطيبين الذي لا يعرفون
طريق إلا دربك
و حبا إلا حبك
كم ليله و الدموع لا تفارقني
و أنا أمد يدي للسماء
أنادي أسمائك الحسنى
لكي تطهر قلبي
و تروي من عطشي
الله أرحم كل ميت
مات و هو يؤمن باسمك و أيمانك

Love is Fire

Love is fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

I have been wondering lately, why did I ever allow myself to drift in the path of love? I mean, I knew from the beginning that I will suffer and end up heart broken. Sometimes I think that the prospect of pain amuses me; I know that love's sweet embrace is just felt for a while and the demons of love that turn your life into a living hell will soon capture you and you will drown in the deep sea of sorrow. I have always been passionate, I have always dreamed of the right person that I will love and cherish, or the person that will make me feel that I have some significance in life. But then lately I have been wondering, was I nothing before I fell in love?
I sure did have my own solitude character and now…I seem to have lost the reason that was inside of me. I am love sick and damn it there is no cure, is it my destiny to suffer?
I want to escape but where will I go, I have no destination…I am pathless. I wish I can lock myself up, somewhere dark…without candles or any light of hope. I want to drown in emptiness and not think of my problems that seem to overwhelm me right now. I want to float on the surface of my once creative thoughts. I want to swim in the sea that has no sharks, only seaweed, they cause me no harm; they only co-exist with me.
I want to be rain, just to fall on the ground and clean the shit that has been polluting mother earth. I want to be a star and watch as silly lovers commit acts of foolishness as they try to confess their love. Why should you confess your love, can't you just let it inside of you? What good will it makes if that silly person said "I love you, too"?
It certainly won't erase all those bitter and cold nights you spent alone; will it make me forget that love made my mother thought that I am bitch that might have the tendency to sleep with guys if she was not strict enough.
Dear, I curse the day that I confessed my love. I wish I was single, but unfortunately…I have already slipped into the illusion that love conquers all.

Our Generation

كم سطرا يجب ان يكتب لكي يعبر عن الحنين و النقص العاطفي الذي اشعر به
قلب يتمزق من صعوبه العيش بسلام
ماذا يوجد في هذا الكون لكي يفرح قلب فتاة او شاب
قلب مليئ بالجروح
قلب مغروق في حروب لا يستطيع الخوض بها
عيناي لا ترى سوى ظلام الليل
و القمر مخفي عن ناظري
ليس امامي سوى قصور حبي المتهردمه
و الناس من حولي لا يرون جروحي و ألامي
ما هو الحب في هذا العصر
ليس سوى صحراء خاليه من الحياه
اين هي البحار الواسعه
لقد جفت من مراره الايام
الدموع المتساقطه لا تروي سوى عن حياتي البائسه
الافكار تتسارع في ذهني
و الظلام يغشي عن ناظري
لا اريد حياه لا يوجد بها عاطفه
او لمسه من الشخص المنتظر
ما هي الحياه سوى امواج من الاحزان القاتله
الظالم لا يعرف صغير من الكبير
و الحب في قلبي لا اريد ان يمسحه الدهر
عشت ايام سوداء ممطره
لا يوجد بها ضحكه غامره
اكتب الاشعار البائسه
لكي اوصل للناس مشاعري الملتهبه
اعيش حياتي في وحدةٌ كئيبه
لا اطيق النظر لنجوم اليل
فهي تذكرني بالعاطفه المفقوده
اسمع صوت الغيتاره
و هي تعزف على اوتار نغمات قلبي
يا اصحابي ما هو معني كلمه السعاده
و نحن لا نعيش الا بظلمات الجهل
اين هو ايماننا بالخالق الجبار
الذي وضعنا في هذا الكون
ألا يوجد من مستغيث لكي يفتح اعيننا
نحن الجيل المتهردم
لا نرى سوى شهوة الدنيا
تعالوا معي لكي نفتح تلك الصفحه الضائعه
التي ترمز حضاراتنا الضائعه

انا لست بفيلسوفه
و لكني اشعر اني اغرق في بحر الضياع
لا يوجد رجوع منه
فهو عميق
فيه اسماك مفترسه
تبتلعنا في بطونهاولا نكون في النهايه سوى ذكرى مؤلمه

I didn't write for a while

لم أكتب منذ فترة
و كم اشتقت لهذه الصفحات الخالية
لكي أملاها بكلامي
لدي بعض الأسرار لكي أبوحها
و لكن لن أقوى على قولها
بيني و بين هذه الصفحات
علاقة حب
فهي تفهمني و ترعاني
تقبل كل ما لدي من مجهود
كم أتمنى أن ألاقي شخصا مثل أوراقي
شخصا يتقبلني كما أنا
معشوق قلبي هو قلمي الذي يكتب بكل أخلاص
و يعبر عن النقص الذي بداخلي
الحبر هو ولدي
كم هو جميل
أما أنا
أنا مجموعه من الكلمات التي يسميها الناس
خواطر
أنا خواطر
بكل عشق
و حب
و معنى كلمه
أنا خواطر كل عاشق
فهل تدرك معنى وجودي؟

Engraves

Many engraved letters
Written in my bloody ink
Pasted to a white sheet of paper
Staining the rest of the clean sheets
My body lying dead cold on the bed
My thoughts are running free around the room
My long hair lays disheveled
My clothes torn
My pillow is stained with tears of separation
I tremble from inside and shiver from the outside
I ban the feeling of negativity
And embrace the little sparks of hope
I can imagine your eyes
Your little smile
And this tortures me more
I watch the blood coming out of my hands
Now pouring on my clothes and sheets
Everything around me turns red
And I return to my sleep.

Distance

I rained today and yesterday
The sky and earth is clean
I'm looking forward to hear your footsteps
To hear the clacking of your shoes on the clean roads
I haven't read any mail from you recently
May you please explain this sudden distance?
Don’t you know how I look forward to read your words in those white papers?
Don’t you know that the only comfort of my lonely days is your sweet endearments?
I've sent you many letters but there is no reply

I've been dreaming about you the past days
And I could've almost smelt your perfume
Hear your voice breaking the silence between us
Your sweet laugh that tortures me at night

I long to melt in your arms
And to cry my love for you
I've kept it inside me for so long
I long to let it out

Don’t you miss me beloved?

Woman

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.

I am a woman. What's my evidence; its sure not my curves or soft voice. I am a wounded bird. That is my evidence.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am suffering of the disease that has no cure, I am in love.
You might wonder why I call such a grand feeling as sickness, but to me it's only a disease that eats life inside of you and then leaves you empty. Empty as those plastic white figures you see at stores in the show cases.
How many times in my life did I ever meet a bad man and fallen in love with him? Never…all the men that I met are good. I think that has a worse impact, especially when a good person leaves you. You keep eating yourself with question like, "why did he leave me?"
And of course the conclusion that we always reach, "if one good person doesn’t want us, then all good ones will refuse us" even though we know we have a lot of potential. I have many loves and caring to give, but why should I bother? I don’t want to end up like a plastic show case girl, empty…only showing off my emotionless face that supposedly expresses me.
I am living one of my most difficult phases but hopefully I will recover soon.

Many

Many wounds
Many cries
Dark gloomy days
Nightmares that haunts the night
Tears on a pillow
Unhappy thoughts cross my mind
Sleepless nights thinking of you
Oh dear you, those long lost days with you
Many tears shed
I miss the shelter of your arms
Your sweet voice next to my ear
Judge me no longer
Love me more
Never let go of me
I have many faults
But who was ever perfect?
Many wounds
Many cries
Sleepless nights thinking of you
I wish I can be alive again
Dearest, look under my skin
You'll see so many carved things
One of those carvings will be your everlasting love inside me
Many cries
Many tears
Is this a game, beloved?
Is this a short fairytale?
Many wounds
Many sleepless nights
Can you please hold my hand?
Walk me down that path
I fear my damnation
Can you please guide me, for some time?
Many screams
Many abusive words
Can you feel the hot fires of my passion?
Sleepless nights keep my rest and peace away
Sweet endearments, my ear wishes to hear
Say it my love
I love you
Say it now and forever
Three blessed words
That would comfort my hurtful soul

Cold

Let's walk down that path
Through the empty cold streets
Breathe in the scent of coming snow
People are all asleep
And a pigeon is laying its eggs somewhere
You hold my shivering cold fingers
Your palm covers my wrist's wounds
We watch the stores
With white, naked plastic people smiling at us
You start to sweat and walk faster
We hear a baby crying in the alley
And a woman in slacks hitting her head to the wall
A police man passed by and didn’t even notice us
Its starts to rain
Each drop seems to go through me
I open my mouth and welcome the sweet water in
You pull my hand and guide me in an old building
With a poor man munching on some old bread
We climb up the stairs while looking forward to be alone again
Your voice breaks the silence of the night
Telling me to take my coat off
Taking my hand you take me to the middle of the room
Looking in my eyes with a sparkle in yours
Your hands hold my waist and start to sway it right and left
Your mouth finds the soft spot right under my jaw
I can feel your teeth grazing there
I can feel the blood about to pour out
I breathe out the pain you're causing me
But what pleasure it brings to feel my soul fighting for conscious
I arch myself to your shivering body
We unite in the cold
With my fingers pulling your hair
Trying to cause you pain as much as your doing to me now
I scream
You react instantly but removing your mouth and placing it on my lips
Your teeth, achingly biting my soft, now swollen lips
You seem to want to suck my soul out of my willing body
Your hand holds the end of my back, pushing me forward
I close my eyes and surrender
For tonight it's our night
I love your style of torture
I love you
And will give you my love tonight

Myself

Many words explain certain people
But no words speak my character
Many people scream when they are in agony
But I keep my pain within me
My new white pages are always black
I feel dirty I want to scratch my skin
Until my blood starts to flow
I wish I can scream all the hidden words inside me
I want to release the fear within me
I want to run on my legs and go far away
To some other world
Until I can grow myself some wings
And fly somewhere…far away from dark, painful words
I want to swim in cold water with the fishes
Most of all
I want to feel compassion
Torture me no longer
Speak no words of endearments
For those endearments mean nothing to a girl who is deaf